Plastic Shields

My Carmel colored contacts conceal the pain in my eyes

They block your clear view of my barb wired truth

And allow you to see the superficial version of who I am

They were my protective shields

So when I look at my reflection through honey glazed doors

I don’t see me

I see who I could’ve been

And you see who you want me to be

And without them, all there is left 

Is the girl I sought to cover up

The nights when those dark brown pupils were all I had

To accompany the gut wrenching feeling of repeatedly hearing alcohol bottles be cracked open 

My reflection is the only enemy I’ve ever known

The one who dims my light the quickest

Because when I look and see her

All I see are those dark brown gateways 

Searching myself in the mirror

Trying to figure out what I did wrong