Healing My Inner Child

I’m sorry that I couldn’t reciprocate 

The love you wanted until it was too late

It was never my intention to make you wait 

Your gaze made me think of the little brown babies we could create 

But I always had to stop myself 

From dreaming of a life beyond myself

My heart came wrapped in plastic 

But my parents turned that plastic to stone 

It hardened over all the nights that I had to spend alone 

So I’m sorry 

that my guard refused to come down 

But I made a door, just for your entrance to my heart

I love like how I cook food

It either too much or not enough 

So I either hunger for your loving 

Or I binge on lust 

Because that’s how I was taught to love a man

Or anyone 

But now that little girl isn’t so little anymore 

The one who spent many nights thinking she was the problem 

Not smart enough, not beautiful enough, nothing was ever enough 

For them

So I assume it wouldn’t be for you 

So when that passion drained from your face 

I said, “It was about that time”

And despite my cold front, 

I wished I could run and hide

That little girl never grew up 

She has been trapped in time 

And the pain is the fuel 

That keeps her alive 

But I’m glad she’s still there

She didn’t allow the pain to age her

The moon makes her feel something

And hatefulness lights her anger

Sunsets make her feel love

Your hugs make life better

I never thought I could be loved

But when look at you 

I wish we could be forever 

That passion drained from your face 

And fell to your lips 

It runs through my veins

Every time that we kiss

It wraps my heart 

And it’s breaking the stone 

The plastic is still there

And I no longer feel alone 

It’s never been used 

And I think it was saved for you  

Teach me how to love 

Because that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do