The Fear That Binds Me

I have always lived in fear

Of what is coming next 

Scared that I won’t be prepared

My breath would catch in the air 

And now that I am older

I am realizing that it’s still there 

That breath I took as a little girl is still being held in 

Because that is what my fear does to me

I take five steps forward and it paces three steps behind

Close enough for me to feel its presence but never close enough to fully capture my mind

Just enough to leave me shaking and wondering

When it’ll finally have it’s time 

with me 

I keep telling myself that I am supposed to face my fear

But the more the days go by, the more I am learned that maybe it is time for me to simply acknowledge its hold on me

They say the first step to healing is admitting there is an issue

My therapist said me “you always refer to your problems with  ‘my’ as its identifier

My fear, my anxiety, my imposter syndrome

The first step is to stop referring to this things as your own

That anxious feeling isn’t mine 

I refuse to claim my heart as its home

Because it’s all just passing 

I often wonder when will I live instead of worry about what comes next

If comparison is the thief of joy then fear is the enemy that binds my chest

Filling my body with heavy weights

So when the problems arise I feel like I’m drowning

And even when I ask God to set me free  

He sits idle waiting for me 

to see that I can overcome this one my own